Leeds v Middlesborough

Lets try this again. Leeds take on Yorkshire rivals, Middlesbrough FC this Tuesday at 8pm. The Boro were formed in 1876 and are the 11th oldest football club in England and Wales. Legend has it that the city adopted the Saxon name, Mydilsburgh as it was halfway between the two mighty religious centres of Durham and Whitby. Burh was an old English word which means fortified settlement, which is more than can be said of the Riverside stadium.

Middlesbrough and its fans often refer to themselves as The Red and White Army. Alas they are one of many red and white armies that includes Arsenal F.C. , AZ Alkmaar, Charlton Athletic F.C. Derry City F.C., Hapoel Tel Aviv F.C., Hemel Hempstead Town F.C. Leigh RMI F.C., Red Star Belgrade, Rotherham United F.C., Southampton F.C., Sunderland A.F.C., Swindon Town F.C., and Stevenage F.C. As an aside, the red and white barber pole is a symbol of the dual roles of barbers in medieval Europe, who were both hairdressers and dental surgeons.

The Boro are nicknamed 'The Smoggies', after a 1989–1990 animated children's television show by Cinar. The show took place on or around a fictional Coral Island, and revolved around a group of island-dwelling people called the Suntots and a trio of polluting treasure hunters called the Smoggies. The Suntots spent much of their time defending their island paradise from the Smoggies, who polluted everything around them and lived on a coal-fired steam ship, the SS Stinky Poo, which polluted the water and air around the island.

Middlesbrough's mascot is Roary the Lion, who habitually falls over during on-field stunts and dance routines. During halftime of promotional events, Roary participates in races against other mascots or fans, sometimes tripping but mostly coming in last. Roary regularly loses his tail during hysterical hijinks - a likely story!!

Whilst manager, Bryan Robson used to be paraded before matches sitting in a Dentist Chair, whilst opposition forwards would extract his teeth and subject him to root canal treatments. This was the same season that the Boro were relegated following a three point deduction for failing to play a match aginst Blackburn Rovers. The Premier League described their excuses as akin to pulling teeth.

The only success, the Boro, have ever achieved was the League Cup in 2004 under the benign leadership of former Man Yoo assistant boss, Steve McClaren who exuded quality dental work and a magnificent set of molars. Under his stewardship, they went on to lose the 2006 UEFA Cup Final against Seville. Steve's excellent teeth did not go unnoticed by the England FA who promptly installed him as England boss.

The current manager of Middlesbrough is Michael Carrick who and is supported by  Jonathan Woodgate, one of the central characters in Dayvid O'Leary's magnus opus "Leeds United on Trial". Carrick and Woodgate are more better known as Toothpick and Denture Plate.

Famous people to have come from Middlesborough have included:

• Captain James Cook the Explorer

• Roy Chubby Brown

• Paul Daniels

• Chris Rea

• Steph McGovern

• BoB Mortimer

• Rory Underwood

• Bill Athey

• Liam Plunkett

• Chris Old

• Jonathan Woodgate

• Chris Kamara

• Brian Clough

• Dr Tony Kilcoyne, a pioneer in cosmetic dentistry

• Ace pilot, Douglas "Grumpy" Bader

This match is a true top of the table clash of the titans. Leeds are second and the Boro are fifth. Their midfield of Hayden Hackney and Aussie Riley McGree make for a quality central axis. Ben Doak is a threat up front. Fortunatly, their defensive rock, Darragh Lenihan is injured. There's also a promising full back of the name of Luke Ayling who I like the look of his jib. Middlesbrough's form is W W L W D. I think we have to trust in our current form, in our players coming back from injuries, and the magic of our wingers and Tanako. I'll stick my incisiors on the table and predict a gritty 2-1 win to the Leeds. Goals from Tanako and Gnonto.