They were dead dull normally, but I always liked this one - Luke 15:11 - the prodigal son
There was an Agent who had two good footballers. The younger one said to him, “Boss, give me my share of the money.’ So they devised a transfer between them.
Not long after that, the younger one got together all he had, set off for a distant county and there squandered his ability on the right wing. After he had tried everything, there was a shocking transfer in that vile county, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to the U23’s of that county, who sent him to the fields to feed pigs with crosses. He longed to fill his heart with goals and success but no one gave him anything.
When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my other suitors have a spot in the first team to spare, and here I am bored to death I will set out and go back to my Agent and say to him: “Mate, I have sinned against my better judgement and against Yorkshire. I am no longer willing to be called a Manscum player; make me a Leeds player.” So he got up and started walking down the M62.
But while he was still a long way off, the Lord Bielsa saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to the lad, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
The lad said to him, “Marcelo, I have sinned against Yorkshire and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called a Leeds player.”
But the Bucket god said to his servant Victor, ‘Quick! Bring the best 4 year deal and put it on the table. Put an 8 on his shirt and Adidas on his feet. Bring the fattened Costa and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. For this winger of mine was gone but is here again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.