This Saturday sees the visit of some cheeky cockney types to our green and pleasant lands. The hordes of pearly queens will descend upon Elland Road full of beans after their last trip to the North – last night’s very creditable defeat of the Scum in their own back yard. I’ve no doubt they’ll be in good voice as they sing along to that Michael Jackson classic “I’m forever blowing Bubbles”, although why they have such affection for a monkey is beyond me.

As for The Mighty Whites, after a positive result against a different bunch of cheeky cockney types, we really don’t know who will be fit and on duty to counter the obvious threat Wet Spam will present. We believe Llorente might be back (but we don’t know if his legs will be working yet), we definitely expect no Ayling, Koch or Struijk at the back so at least a space on the bench for Cresswell again. On the wings the bucket god has much more of an interesting choice: Harrison or James, Rapha on the right or push him central and play Summerville again.

And what to do about the Centre Mid…..?

The hammers did the double over us last season, we had no answer to the aerial threat they posed from set pieces, but they’ve shown they have plenty to offer on the deck too, so this one will rely on us being able to get down the flanks and turn them round facing their own goal – we’ll need to retain possession much better than we have so far this season too. Once again we find ourselves in a position were we really can’t afford to lose – getting that first win is becoming a bit of a monkey on our own back……

So – the tale of the tape:

League Position last year

9th Leeds Pts 59 Gd 8

6th Wet Spam Pts 65 Gd 15

League Position this year

17th Leeds Pts 3 Gd -7

8th Wet Spam Pts 8 Gd 4

Squad valuation in the PL - Transfermarkt

12th Leeds £227.43M

11th Wet Spam £317.93M

Wage Bill – according to Spotrac.com

19th Leeds

8th Wet Spam

As with last week this sentence remains: not sure on the back of those stats why we’ve suddenly become European contenders, but it shows how much our manager and squad overachieved last year.

Wet Spam’s celebrity fans include:

Danny Dyer

Russell Brand

Ray Winstone

Alf Garnett

Matt Damon

Keira Knightley 😍

Peggy Mitchell

Phil Mitchell

Ricky!!!

Well ‘Ard the dog

Douglas “Awroit Mate!” Bader

Mouseman – admit it, you have a sneaky passion of long MDT’s 😊

Prediction for the weather: a pleasant 21 degrees C, clear skies and a welcoming gentle breeze in God’s Own Country.

Prediction for the match: The Mighty Whites 2 – 0 (James and Cresswell from a corner after he comes on for Llorente after 12 minutes).

- Or more likely the end of my MDT run 😣

Predicted Line-up:

Meslier

Shackleton, Llorente (for 12 minutes), Cooper, Firpo

Phillips

Rapha, Rodrigo, Dallas, James

Bamford

Once again - over to you lot, the unwashed masses, to stick your twopence in.