Can we get rid of this awful rule. It's destroying this forum.

Next we head south, way on down south, as low as you can go - Portsmouth. This may come as no surprise to anyone but the city derives it's name from the Old English Anglo-Saxon name, "Portesmuða", which in itself is derived from port (a haven) and muða (the mouth of a large river or estuary). Less well known though is that in the  Anglo Saxon Chronicle, a warrior named Port and his two sons killed a noble Briton in Portsmouth in 501. And even less known, Winston Churchil in A History of the English Speaking Peoples wrote that Port was a pirate who founded Portsmouth in 501. Most of Portsmouth is located on Portsea Island   off the south coast of England in the Solent making Portsmouth the only city in England not located primarily on the mainland. The city is home to the first drydock ever built. It was constructed by Henry VII in 1496. That dock no longer exists but Portsmouth is still the home of the world's oldest dry dock "The Great Stone Dock"; originally built in 1698, rebuilt in 1769 and presently known as "No.5 Dock". Number 5" refers to its sequential order in the series of dry docks at the naval base. By the early-19th century, Portsmouth was the most heavily fortified city in the world. During WW2, the city was a pivotal embarkation point for the D-Day landings and was bombed extensively in the Portsmouth Blitz. It was also the departure point for the Falklands fleet in 1982. "Seven Tears" by the Goombay Dance Band occupied the top spot in the charts that week. Portsmouth FC were formed on 5 April 1898, at 12 High Street, Old Portsmouth as "The Portsmouth Football and Athletic Company". Work started the following year on their new ground, Fratton Park after the nearby and convenient Fratton Railway Station. Portsmouth began their early history in the Southern and Western leagues, before being elected into the English Football League and newly formed Third Division in 1920. They achieved success as league champions in 1948–49 and 1949–50; FA Cups in 1938–39, 2007–08; EFL Cup 2018–19; and the much valued Hampshire Senior Cup 1902–03, 1912–13, 1951–52, 1986–87. Portsmouth are one of only five English football clubs to have been champions of all four tiers of the professional English football. Portsmouth are nicknamed Pompey, a local nickname used by both His Majesty's Naval Base, Portsmouth and the city of Portsmouth. The origins of the nickname are unknown. One theory is that "Pompey" is derived from the name of the famous Roman General Pompey the Great, reknowned for his military victories at sea, including defeating pirates and King Mithridates.  Another theory is that "Pompey" is simply a shortened or altered version of "Portsmouth," evolving over time through local dialects. This is a common phenomenon in language where longer names are shortened for ease of speech. Portsmouth fans sing the "Pompey Chimes", originally known as the 'Town Hall Chimes' during matches. The song is synonymous with the club and is regarded as one of the oldest football chants still in use today. The unique rhythm of the chant is designed to imitate the sound of the bells of Portsmouth’s Anglican Cathedral, which are heard across the city. We can't be certain of the original wording but records suggest the following were in use as early as 1900-01 - Play up Pompey,Just one more goal! Make tracks! What ho!Hallo! Hallo!! Portsmouth's mascot really is Billy the Fish, or to be more accurate Billy the Piranha. The piranha is a nod to Portsmouth’s local history and maritime heritage, unlike the character in Viz magazine. Southampton fans call Portsmouth supporters “skates”, a reference to presumably apocryphal tales of Royal Navy sailors relieving their sexual frustrations using fish. Celebrity fans include • Will Ferrell • Cricketer, Anya Shrubsole MBE • Fred Dinenage • Penny Mordaunt • Mason Mount • Ian Darke - whoever he is • The Sea God, Neptune • Pompey the Great • The Ace fighter pilots of RAF Tangmere Head to head, there's not much between the two clubs. Leeds have won 23, drawn 18 and lost 18. The last meeting was the season opener which ended in a 3:3 draw. Our current run is WWWWD, whereas Pompeys is LWWWL. We are top and they are 17th. Portsmouth are suffering a bit of an injury crisis. Top scorer, Callum Lang is out, so are most of their CBs including Hayden Matthews, Rob Atkinson, super Conor O'Shaughnessy and Ibane Bowat. Full Back Jacob Farrell is out. Winger Paddy Lane is out. It's more a question of who plays - Andre Dozzell is a decent midfielder but with those injuries, I can't see Portmouth surviving our barrage of attackers. 3-1 to Leeds. Anyone up for a skate supper?

West Bromwich was first mentioned as Bromwic ('broom village') in the Domesday Book of 1086. A Benedictine priory existed in West Bromwich from the 12th century around which the settlement of Broomwich Heath grew. In 1727, the town became a stop on the coaching road between London and Shrewsbury and the beginning of its growth dates from this time. The prefix 'West' serves to distinguish it from the village of Castle Bromwich, around 8 miles to the east on the other side of Birmingham. The Queen's Head pub in West Bromwich is famous for its long-standing history. Legend has it that during the English Civil War, soldiers from both the Royalist and Parliamentarian factions frequented this very pub. West Bromwich was a key player in the Industrial Revolution. The town was known for its iron and steel production, particularly for the making of nails, screws, and other metal goods. The factory-driven economy transformed West Bromwich into a bustling industrial hub. In the early 20th century, West Bromwich was also home to the British Motor Corporation's (BMC) factory. The factory produced iconic vehicles like the Mini and the Morris Minor, and it helped cement West Bromwich’s role in the history of British car manufacturing. West Bromwich is located in the Black Country, a region known for its heavy industrial past. The name is thought to have originated due to the thick smoke from coal-burning furnaces that once covered the area, making it look blackened. West Bromwich Albion Football Club, was formed in 1878. The club originally played in the nearby town of Wednesbury before moving to West Bromwich in 1900 where it has played at the Hawthorns ever since. The Albion suffix was adopted in 1880, Albion being an old poetic term for Great Britain. They have achieved a surprising number of silverware including five FA Cups in 1888, 1892, 1931, 1954. and 1968. Albion won the league in 1919-20 and also won the Football League Cup at the first attempt in 1966. SInce then, they've won Sweet FA. West Bromwich has produced several notable footballers, such as Jeff Astle, who was a legendary striker for the club. Astle was affectionately known as the "King of the Hawthorns" after his prolific goal-scoring career with Albion during the 1960s and 1970s. Other players of note include  Cyrille Regis part of the famous "Three Degrees" trio, alongside Laurie Cunningham and Brendon Batson. Famous managers have included Johnny Giles, Roy Hodgson. Ron Atkinson WBA have not one, not two but three nicknames. The origin of "Baggies" is debated, but it is thought to derive from the distinctive baggy trousers worn by the club’s players in the early days. They are also know as often as "The Throstles" in reference to the thrush which is the club's emblem. "The Albions" is pretty obvious. The Albions mascot is Baggie Bird who notoriously cheated by taking a short cut in a pre-match mascot race between Baggie Bird and the mascots from other teams, including Peacock from Newcastle United and Roy the Red from Liverpool. The team walk out to the Liquidator by the Harry J. Allstars, which is a bit trippy for me. Famously, local reporter, Malcolm Boyden, said 'the Baggies are boinging their way to promotion' Famous celebrities who support WBA include • Frank Skinner • Cat Deeley • Eric Clapton • Adrian Chiles • Lenny Henry • Goran Ivanišević - apparently so • Julie Walters • Betty Boothroyed RIP • WW2 FIghter Pilot Ace, Ron Atkinson United's form is imperious DWWWWW whereas WBA WLWLDW. WBA players to look out for include super striker, Joshua Erowoli Orisunmihare Oluwaseun Maja; attacking midfield sensation Tom Fellows; midfielders John Swift and former Leeds favourite Alex Mowatt. Manager Tony 'Mogga' Mowbrey is mean and moody and in his second spell as Baggies manager. Mowbrey's teams are always very attractive to the eye and he does give youth a chance. Their away form isn't great having lost 5-1 away to Bournemouth in the FA Cup then winning 5-0 at home to Portsmouth. I think this will be a clear cut win - 3-0 to the Peacocks. Goals from James, Bogle and an OG from Ron Atkinson. "Boing Boing, boing boing, boing boing! Boing Boing, boing boing, boing boing!"

Wouldn't be my first choice as a sister club. I suppose it's somewhere we can get games for Gelhardt, Crew and Debayo.

This is the big one, a battle between the top two teams in the championship. The Blades or the Blunt Blades are yet another team that started existance as a cicket team dating back to 1854. Yorkshire County Cricket Club played at Brammell Lane from its inception in 1863 and for the rest of the nineteenth century. Indeed, they continued to host the odd game until 7 August 1973 when the ground was converted into a specialist football ground. The football offshoot started in 1889 and were a founding member of the English League Division 2. They were indeed the first team to earn promotion. The Blades greatest era was between 1899 and 1925 when they won the first division title in 1807 and four FA Cups in 1899, 1902, 1915 and 125. Since then, their only silverware has come in the form of promotions. Sheff Utd are one of only five teams that have won all four divisions in English football - the other four being Man City, Notts Co, Wolves and Plymouth. The Blades were created at the Adelphi Hotel, which is now better known as The Crucible Theatre, home to UK Snooker. The club were the very first in the world to use United in their name. Brammell Lane is the oldest major league ground in the world, having opened in 1862. The world's first floodlit football match took place on September 14, 1878, at Brammell Lane. This historic event saw a match between Sheffield United and Notts County. The floodlights were created using gas lamps and the experiment was considered a success, and paved the way for floodlit matches to become a regular feature in football, especially for evening games. The first ever football replay took place in 1922 at Brammell Lane in a match against Notts County. Brian Deane scored the first ever premiership goal in the opening match of the 1992-93 season against Man Utd. Little known Jimmy Hagen was known as "The greatest footballer you have never heard of". Never having heard of this player, I asked AI genius, ChatGPT to fill me in. Jimmy Hagen was a widely regarded as one of the club's greatest-ever players. Born in 1910, Hagen was an incredibly talented midfielder who played for the Blades from 1930 to 1948. He was known for his leadership on the pitch and his technical ability. He made over 300 appearances for the club and was an England International and like Patrick Bamford he played just the one game. immy  After retiring from playing, Hagen went on to have a significant impact as a coach and manager. He managed clubs such as Notts County and Lincoln City, and is now forgotten by history. Famous celebrities that support Sheffield United include: • Group Captain Sir Douglas Robert Steuart Bader, CBE, DSO & Bar, DFC & Bar, DL, FRAeS and captain of cricket at the RAF College in Cranwel • Game of Thrones star, Sean Bean • Ned Stark • Jessica Ennis Hall • Paul Heaton • Ding Janhui • Joe Root • Michael Palin • Chat GPT I asked ChatGPT which football club it supported and it gave me the following reply : "I don’t have a personal preference, but I enjoy learning about different football clubs and their histories! If I had to pick, I'd probably gravitate towards one with a rich tradition and passionate fanbase, like Sheffield United or another club with a unique story. What about you? Do you support a particular club?" I told it I was a Leeds United supporter. And its reply was: "Ah, Leeds United! A fantastic club with such a rich history. From the glory years under Don Revie in the 1960s and 70s to their more recent return to the Premier League, Leeds has always been full of passion and drama. Their fanbase is one of the most dedicated in football. What do you make of Leeds’ current squad? How are you feeling about their journey back to the top flight?". So that segways neatly into the match. Our current form is DWWWW and the cutlery items is LWWWW. Lady fortune has smiled upon us. Teenage sensation, Oliver Arblaster is out injured, as is England youth international, Sai Sachdev, and Aussie CB Harry Souttar. "The greatest footballer you have never heard of" is also missing in action. We continue to get by without Patrick Bamford and Max Wober. Key players for the Sheffield outfit are Michael Cooper in goal, on-loan Right Back, Alfie Gilchrist who we were linked with, LB Harrison Burrows who we were linked with, and Gustavo Hamer who we tried to buy but has been overshadowed by Aaronson this year, and is an injury doubt. It's going to be a tough game, and anyone in their right mind would predict a draw, but we did beat them 2-0 back in October with goals from Struijk and Joseph. I'm going for another 2-0 win with goals from Struik and Joseph. And now for a rendition of The Greasy Chip Butty Song You fill up my senses, Like a gallon of Magnet, Like a packet of Woodbines, Like a good pinch of snuff, Like a night out in Sheffield, Like a greasy chip butty, Like Sheffield United, Come fill me again Na na na na na...Ooooohh!

Sunderland, literally means Sundered or Separated Land in Old English, although the Venerable Bede referred to it as Vindobala meaning boundary-marker mound, though sounds much more like an Indian curry. Sunderland was originally three different settlements - Monkwearmouth on the north bank of the River Wear, Bishopwearmouth on the South Bank where the Bishop of Durham bears his habit, and of course the fishing settlement of Sunderland. However, we know them all as Mackems. In the 19th century, Sunderland was reknowned as the largest shipbuilding town in the world and made a quarter of the world's ships. The world's first steamship was launched there. Skipping forward to 1992 and it's a city twinned with of all the cities in the world - Washington DC! Can you Adam & Eve it! And if that's not enough, the sun always shines in Sunderland. Cats and birds rarely get along, particularlly black cats. Sunderland's fair citizens have endured an uneasy truce with their local seagulls over the years, including outbreaks of war between the two during the 1980s. This included anti-nesting site measures which included installing netting or spikes to block access to the nesting sites. Buildings had devices like spikes or wires installed on rooftops and ledges to stop the birds from landing or building nests. Tensions still flare up and in March 2020, a Harris hawk called Horatio was recruited to patrol Mowbray Park, High Street West and Market Square four times a week until September to deter them from nesting. However none of this compared to what happened last April when a man pleaded guilty in the South Tyneside Magistrates’ Court for performing a sex act while kneeling over a captured seagull and watching pornography on his mobile phone. The football club was founded in 1879 as The Sunderland District Teachers AFC by schoolteacher James Allen, and the following year changed its name to Sunderland AFC. In the early years, they mostly played in fields before finding home at Roker Park in 1898. They joined the Football League in 1890-91 and enjoyed considerable early success. and amassed an impressibe set of six league titles - 1892, 1893, 1895, 1902, 1913 and 1936. On 5 April 1890, the Football League's founder, William McGregor, labelled Sunderland as "the team of all talents" stating that they had "a talented man in every position". They also won the 1937 FA Cup and the somewhat more contentious 1973 FA Cup, but let's not mention that one. Post Second World War, they earned the reputation as 'The Bank of England Club' in lieu of the club's record-breaking transfer fees including Len Shackleton, the Clown Prince of Soccer' and Welsh international, Trevor Ford amongst others. Shackleton and Ford never gelled and in a piece of poetic irony, the Bank of England club went into financial freefall during the 1960s. Throughout the 20th century, the club was nicknamed the Rokermen or Rokerites, until they moved to the Stadium of Plight in 1997 when they became known as The Black Cats. The nickname may have become official in 2000 AD but black cats had a long history with Sunderland. A Sunderland supporter, Billy Morris, took a black cat in his chest pocket as a good luck charm to the 1937 FA Cup final in which Sunderland brought home the trophy for the first time. The Sunderland mascot has the naff name of Samson the Cat who often leads the players out in matches. Samson was named CEO of the club by the managing directors in 2018. True story, as it was an attempt to persuade fans that the club was committed to change. Samson won the local Santa Dash in Christmas 2023 and regularly squares off against QPR's mascot, Jack the Cat. Famous celebrities from Sunderland include • The Venerable Bede • Lauren Laverne • Dave Stewart from the Eurythmics • Steve Cram • James Bolan • Gina McKee • William Russell, who played a schoolteacher in the first episode of Doctor Who • Bryan Ferry • Bob Paisley • Bob Willis • WW2 Fighter Pilot Ace Joseph Robert Kayll, DSO, OBE, DFC, AE, DL The Black Cats make the long lonely 93 mile journey to Elland Road where are fierce big cats lie in weight, still purring after the purfect win against Watford. Sunderland have three ex Leeds players in Niall Huggins, Leo Hjelde and Ian Poveda. Their youth academy is exemplorary and a role model for all academies with 17 year old midfielder Chris Rigg, 18 year old left wingerTom Watson, 19 year old forward Eliezer Mayenda all getting regular games. They have two players we should buy next year - 19 year attacking midfielder old Jobe Bellingham and 22 year old left back Dennis Cirkin. Sunderlands run of form is WDWDW and ours is WDWWW. Leeds United and Sunderland have played 20 games since 1996. Leeds have won 10 games, Sunderland have won 7, and drawn 3. Sunderland are a good team, no doubt about it, although a very young team. However, our forwards are on fire and capable of scoring at will so both the heart and head are saying win Win WIN.

Back to life, back to reality, back to the hear and now, back to the championship after the mauling malaise at Millwall in this year's FA Cup exit. Watford, in old English, meaning "Waet" (Full of water) or "Wath" (hunting) and ford (meaning ford). Watford was first mentioned in an Anglo charter for 1007 AD so it's super old. It's also the home to Warner Borthers Studios wher Harry Potter was filmed so it's magic. Indeed the interior of Watford Town Hall frequently doubles up as a location for courtroom dramas, so the jury's out. If you like your roundabouts, it's heaven. The Old Ground pub is haunted, so perfect for spirits. Star Wars and the Sound of Music were filmed there. The first banana sold in Britain was sold in Watford market. And who couldn't love a town with streets named Whippendell Road and Hagden Lane. More importantly, it's the town that tourists frequently confuse with the Watford Gap Service on the M1 which is 67 miles away in Northamptonshire, near Coventry. As for Watord FC, it was formed in 1881 so it's super old. The club was established by Harry Glover, brother of gruff actor Brian Glover who starred in an American Werefolf in London - the one where Jenny Agutter gets undressed. Harry went on to play for the club as a Full Back. At its inception, Watford FC was named West Hertfordshire and was comprised entirely of amateur players. West Hertforshire would merge with Watford St Marys in 1898 and become the Watford FC that we all love today. In 1896, it joined the Southern League and did sweet FA until Rocket Man, Elton John, was installed as chairman in 1976. The following year, Rocket Man appointed Potato Head, Graham Taylor as manager and history was made. The club rocketed up the leagues and started the 1982-83 season with four wins and was top of the league and indeed the world. They reached the FA Cup final in 1984 when they lost to Howard Kendall's all conquering Everton. That was the era of John Barmes. Luther Blissett, Steve Sherwood, Kenny Jackett, and Big Mo Johnson. Since then, they've done sweet FA. Watford used to walk out to the theme tune of Z Cars as that was manager Bill McGarry's favourite tv show, but was a bit naff as that's the tune Everton walk out to. Nowadays, they walk out to Elton John's "Im still standing" whilst the crowd remain seated. Initially, Watford were nicknamed 'The Brewers' in reference to the Benskins Brewery who sponsored the purchase of their home ground, Vicarage Road. The team are now nicknamed 'The Hornets', on account of their yellow and black attire which was introduced in 1959-60. Watford's mascot is Harry the Hornet and he's a pain in the backside. Harry made headlines when he attempted to emulate Crystal Palace's Wilfred Zaha's dive which earned him a yellow card and the ire of manager, Roy Hodgson, who when interviewed told us candidly that "Zaha does not dive". "If you're asking me whether Harry the Hornet, who I presume is the mascot, should dive in that way, I think it's disgraceful, because that's not what football matches are about." said Hodgson. "And certainly if it's provoking the crowd into looking for something that's not there, it should be stopped." Not to be overlooked, former Palace boss and future Leeds manager, Sam Allardyce said Harry the Hornet was "out of" order". Harry didn't learn his lesson and repeated the feat in 2018 with a head first sliding tackle. He finally got his just desserts when he was served a banoffee pie. The Italian Pozzo family aquired Watford in 2012 from Laurence Bassini for the princely sum of £440,000. Since then, they have sacked 19 managers, so current incumbent, Tom Cleverly, since April 2024, will probably get the boot when we cuff them on Tuesday. Watford were fined £4.3m by the Sweet English FA when it was discovered a forged letter had been submitted during Gino Pozzo's takeover. But I say, Don't go breaking my heart. Famous celebs from Watford include: • Terry Scott • Robert Glenister • Vinnie Jones • Mo Mowlam • Geri Spice Haliwell • Bradley Walsh • Gareth Southgate • Anthony Joshua • Mary Portis • Super Ace Pilot, Air Vice Marshal Robert Bateson who commanded No 613 City of Manchester RAF and was awarded a bar to his Distinguished Service Medal. In terms of current form, Watford are 10th with WLLLD and we are top with WWDWW. Players to look out for include former Leeds Utd academy player Mattie Pollock at CB; veteran French international Mousssa Sisisko on the right wing; Moroccan international midfieder, Imran Louza; Democratic Republic of Congo's attacking midfielder Edo Kayember; striker, Vakoun Bayo nicknamed The Crow; and Algerian international LB, Yasser Larouci. Blimey, they aren't a walkover and shouldn't be taken for granted. However we are no candle in the wind, despite the Millwall defeat. Our best XI will be on the pitch on Tuesday, rested and willing. I predict a close game, but we will endure and finish 1-0, goal from Dan the Man James.

Coventry, originallly a Roman fort, then later a centre of innovation, a city of excellence in the fields of watches, clocks, sewing machines, bikes and cars. Indeed the first motor car hailed from Coventry - a Daimler in 1897. It's name in Old English means Cofa's Tree. In medieval times, it was reknowned for it's blue cloth and the sky blue heritage has carried over into their football team colours. Coventry was originally the main town in Coventry County before being assimilated into Warwickshire in 1842. It was such a significant town that parliament had occasion to meet there. None of that though would stop Hitler from bombing the it to Kingdom Come during Operation Moonlight Sonata that lasted 11 hours with 500 aircraft levelling the industrial powerhouse. Many scenes of the Italian Job were filmed in the city. Despite all that, Coventry is still best known for Brazen Lady Godiva baring it all in Rupert Murdoch's The Sun. Coventry FC was founded as Singers FC in 1883, named after the prestige sweing machine company rather than their propensity to beat out a hearty melody, As a football club, they've won feck all apart from the 1987 FA Cup. They did though spend 34 seasons in the top flight, between 1967-2001. Famous players included broadcast legend, Jimmy Hill, and nutter, David Icke. Players who have been on the payroll of both Coventry and Leeds during their careers include Chris Whyte, David Rennie, Gary McAllister, Terry Yorath, Gordon Strachan, Darren Huckerby, Noel Whelan and Robbie Keane. The Coventry City mascot is Sky Blue Sam, a right fatto who ate all the pies. Sky Blue Sam featured in the ITV drama starring Coventry City fan Graeme Hawley. In the TV show, Sky Blue Sam is chased through the streets of the city after enjoying a particular passionate night with a taken woman. Coventry matchday reporter, Alan Poole, claims that SKy Blue Sam is actually a woman called Samantha. There's nowt wrong with diversity. Famous celebrites from Coventry include: • Clive Owen • Pete Waterman • Pete Doherty • Poet Philip Larkin • Lady Godiva • Flight Lieutenant Sir Frank Whittle, inventor of the jet engine A few stats. Coventry City have won both of their last two home league games against Leeds United, and will be looking to win three in succession for the first time since September 1981. Coventry remain unbeaten at home in the Championship under Frank Lampard in six matches (W4 D2), the longest unbeaten start at home in the league by a manager at the club since Jimmy Hill in 1961-62 (first 7). Whereas we have kept a clean sheet in three of our last four away league games. As top team in the Championship, others will want to knock us off our perch, but we are the team to beat, and it ain't going to be from Coventry. Another Leeds win - 3-0, goals from Piroe, Aaronson and James.

For Bayer Leverkusen!

Cardiff named after the Middle Welsh for Caer meaning 'fort' and the Taff River which flowed under the original castle. Caertaff is the capital of Wales and home to the famed traveller in Time and Space, Doctor Who. In 2011, Cardiff ranked number six in the National Geographic's alternative tourist destinations and is the most popular tourist destination in Wales. Cardiff is also one of the greenest cities, with 330 parks and gardens. Cardiff also holds an annual Daffodil festival every year and has a mighty fine Brazilian restaurant called Viva Brazil. It also had the first shopping mall in the UK. But none of that would prevent the rascal, Owain Glyndor, from burning it in 1404 AD. Originally named Riverside City, the football side was formed in 1899 but changed its name in 1908 to Cardiff City when it adopted the Blue and White colours. A bluebird featured on its crest, which resulted in the club being nicknamed The Bluebirds. The bluebird is a symbol of their ambition to soar. Their mascot is Bartley the Bluebird and he's a boring borebag. The only trophy Cardiff have won was the FA Cup in 1927 against Boring Boring Arsenal. This achievement is the only time a club from outside England has won the FA Cup. They were also the first Welsh club to achieve top flight status. Cardiff's greatest victory was on 31 October 1931 when they delivered one of their most remarkable performances ever in the old First Division, beating their opponents 10-1. Unfortunatley, the victim in that match was none other than Leeds United. Cardiff lays claim to many of the worlds finest celebs including: • Shirley Bassey, singer of the best James Bond theme tune • Poet RS Thomas, the Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn of Wales • Roald Dahl • Terry Nation, the writer who created the Daleks • Charlotte Church • Shakin Stevens • John Humphreys • Terry Yorath • Gryff Rhys Jones • Many Joneses • 67 Second World War 2 fighter pilots, yes Sixty Seven, including Flight Lt Thomas Dalton-Morgan, who was awarded the DSO for shooting down eight enemy planes Anyway, on to the match. In Head to Head matches, Cardiff edge this one, as Leeds have won 20, drawn 16 and lost 29. However, the last five encounters have seen three wins to Leeds and 2 draws. In terms of recent form, we are DDWWD and Cardiff are DDWDW. We are top and they are 18th. We will once again be playing at Fortress Elland Road. Players to watch out for are centre forward, Callum Robinson, and attacking midfielder, Alex Robertson or is it Alex Robinson and Callum Robertson. Robertson has 11 goals and the other one has loads of assists. Callum Chambers is a decent CB but Aaron Ramsey is still recovering from injury so won't be playing. I think we will stuff them like turkeys for Christmas and avenge the 10-1 drubbing in 1931. Did I mention sheep?

Burnley, literally in Old English means meadow (lea) by River Brun which in itself is amusing as Brun means stream or brook. Burnley was vey much at the heart of the Industrial Revolution, and is famed for its preserved Victorian industrial buildings along the Leeds and Liverpool canal showcasing its textile history. It hosts the last surviving steam-powered weaving machine in the world and posseses a Mechanics Theatre where you can enjoy shows like Tesla the Musical and Starlight Express. Burnley does have a dark underbelly, it was the home of the Pendle Witch Trials of 1612 during the reign of Good King James VI of Scotland. It's also got the Panopticon - a singing ringing tree, which is great for christmas carollers. Burnely FC though has a fine footballing pedigre. Founded in 1882 by the Rugby Team (not cricket!!!) as Burnley Rovers. The Rovers moniker would be dropped in 1887, which made more sense given they had a permanent home in Turf Moor since 1883. At the outset, Burnley refused to join the FA as the Association originally banned professional players. In 1884, along with 35 other teams, Burnley formed an alternative breakaway Football Association called the Alternative Association. This was finally resolved when the FA utterly capitulated and agreed to legalize professionalism in 1885. Burnely would go on to become one of the founding clubs of the English League 1n 1888. Burnley have a pretty decent record having won thw First Division in 1920/21 and again in 1960/61. They beat Liverpool 1-0 to win the 1914 FA Cup, the last before the First World War. They also won the 1960 Leage Cup, and the Second Division/Championhip in 1898/89, 1966/67, and 2009/2010. The team's defence was nicknamed "The Iron Curtain" in the 1960s, and in particular after the 1961/62 season, when they only conceded 29 goals in 42 league matches. The current team are doing their best to match this feat.  In the 1980s, a mouse apparently ran across the Turf Moor pitch. Burnley fans still joke that their defence was so strong they could withstand a mouse invasion. Famous firsts. A Burnley player, William Tait, scored the first ever hattrick in the English League in 1888 (Cantona was the first to score one in the premiership). After the match, Tait got drunk celebrating and was suspended by the club for their next game. He returned for the next three games, scoring two goals, but then failed to turn up for the away game at Stoke on 20 October 1888 and the following week a local newspaper reported that he was "no longer a Burnley player". Tait That! Burnley's nickname is the 'Clarets', but they don't produce any Bordeaux that's worth drinking. Their mascot is Bertie Bee, a Merlot-sozzled annoying insect with a sting in the tail. At Burnley's fan events, such as player signings or open training sessions, Bertie often makes a beeline for the touchline. Burnley's anthem is Claret and Blue Army which has the highly imaginative lines Claret and Blue Army, Claret and Blue Arm, We're the Claret and Blue Army, and we're going to Wembley. Lyrics aren't their strongest suit. Famous celebrities from Burnley include Bobby Charlton, Jonny Vegas, Andrew Flintoff, Peter Kay, Sir George Everest and Fighter Pilot John Jack F. Bradbury. The Iron Curtain have the best defence in the league, having only conceded 9 goals all season, and they have home advantage. Their last five results are DDWDW, however we are top and they are third, and our last five matches have been WDDWW. I expect a goalless draw on monday. Players to watch out for are Leeds flops, Connor Roberts & Jaidon Anthony, midfielder and nine goal hero, Josh Brownhill, and keeper James Trafford. That's all the BS and crap facts for this match.

Norwich aka Nord or North Wich, once the second largest city in England and as of 2012 designated UNESCO city of Literature. In 2012, The Guardian announced Nord Wich as the UK's happiest city to work in, as did the Sunday Times in 2018, which didn't stop Danish King, Sweyn Forkbeard, from burning it down in 1004 AD. Norwich had its own mint between 924-939 AD which was a license to print money. It is also the only English city to be excommuicated by the Pope, following a fracas between the citizens v the monks. In 1174, Norwich was sacked by the Germanic tribe, The Flemings, led by Hugh Bigod, and on 17 May 2024 Norwich City sacked German manager, David Wagner and appointed Danish Coach, Johannes Hoff Thorup - guess they never learned the lesson of Sweyn Forkbeard. Norwich City FC was formed after a meeting in Criterion Cafe in 1902. They were originally nicknamed 'The Citizens', which was common amongst those clubs named 'City', eg Man City, Stoke City, Bristol City, Leicester City though not Leeds City . They originally played in blue and white coloured strips. However by 1905, they were already being known as 'The Canaries' and in 1907 switched to their iconic green and yellow colours. How come? Because of the city's history of breeding canaries. The angry birds had been introduced into England via Norwich in the 17th century by the Flemings aka 'The Strangers', who were fleeing the Spanish Inquisition. The ciitzens/canaries first ground was at Newmarket Road before changing horses and relocating in 1908 to a disused chalk pit previously known as Rump's Hole, on Rosary Road. The new ground was affectinately known as 'The Nest' and running alongside one portion of the pitch was a 50 foot high concrete retaining wall. Behind the wall was a cliff and on top of that cliff was a precariously positioned terrace - you couldn't make this stuff up! In 1922, a barrier on top of the cliff capitulated, sending scores of fans down on to the pitch They nested at the 'nest' for a lofty 27 years before taking flight to Carrow Road. The new Carrow Road ground was humourously known as the 8th Wonder of the World because it was buiilt in 82 days. Norwich City's football record includes two League Cup winners, 1962 and 1985. Their best league performance was third place in the 1992/92 premiership season. Their greatest ever run in the FA Cup was in 1958/59 when they reached the semi finals. Norwich fans still refer to it as the 59 Cup Run. Norwich fans sing the oldest football chant in the world - 'On the Ball City'. A dirge of a song with ludicrous lyrics such as 'Kick off, throw in, have a little scrimmage, Keep it low, a splendid rush, bravo, win or die, On the Ball City'. It's enough to become an Ipswich fan. The Norwich mascot is Captain Canary who sings for his supper and provides information to local police surces. Midfielder, Marco Stiepermann, was forced to wash Super Manager, Daniel Farke's car after falling foul in a game of Wheel of Fortune, to the amusement of fellow team mates. Derby matches against rivals Ipswich Town are known as 'The Old Farm', a not so clever pun on Glasgow's 'Old Firm' derby. Both Norwich and Ipswich refer to themselves as the Pride of Anglia. One of them must be wrong. Celebrity Chef, Delia Smith, and her husband, Michael Wynn-Jones bought the club in 1996 and our culinary goddess whisked up the rallying cry of 'Lets be aving you' at half time against Fulham only to lose 6-0 and the club were relegated. In 2024 she got her just desserts when the club was gnawed up by Milwaukee Beavers, and about dam time. Famous celebrities from Norwich include Alan Partridge Mike Bassett, England manager and winner of the Clutch Cup Ruth Madoc Julian of Norwich Delia Smith Sir John Mills Ed Balls Olivia Coleman Stephen Fry John Humphrey First World War flying ace, Air Commodore Philip Fletcher Fullard, CBE, DSO, MC & Bar, AFC (27 May 1897 – 24 April 1984) I don't see the 59 Cup Run causing us any problems in this game. We sit on top of the world with 56 points and our current form is WWDDW. The Singing Canaries enjoy mid table medicority in 11th position and their form is WDWWL. Players to look out for are octagenarian, Angus Gunn, in goal, promising Man City loanee Callum Doyle at CB, Super goal threat Borja Sainz (need to mark him out of the game), and striker Josh Sargent. Blimey, they aren't mugs on paper. But we're not playing on paper, we're playing at Fortress Elland Road. I see a 2-0 win to the Peacocks, Joseph is overdue a goal, so give him a brace. Let's be Aving You Norwich.

And to think I was going to write a Norwich match thread for TC's amusement. Anyway, Sheffield Wednedsay, one of two teams from the mighty city of steel, Sheffield, was named after local condom manufacturer, River Sheaf and it's adjaent field. Sheffield claims to be home to the world's oldest football club which we all know is Notts County not Sheffield United. It's also home to the World Snooker Championships and Ice Hockey kings, Sheffield Steelers. Sheffield made history when they locked up the flame-haired temptress, Mary Queen of Scots for 14 years. After that, it became the Socialist Republic of South Yorkshire. In 2010, it was named 'Tree City of the World' though locals pining for the good old days of YesterYews put 1000s of trees to the sword in the Sheffield Chainsaw Massacre. Formed in 1867, Sheffield Wednesday, originally known as The Wednesday Football Club which was an offshoot of the The Wednesday Cricket Club (founded in 1820), so called because the six tradesmen that established the club had a half day off work on that day. The name, Sheffield Wednesday, however, wasn’t adopted until 1929. The Wednesday Football Club had immediate success winning the much forgotten and less lamented Cromwell Cup in 1868. The cricket club disbanded in 1924 due to financial problems at Silly Point. The Wednesdays originally played at Darnall Cricket Ground which collapsed on the day of the club's most important fixture against Nottingham leaving 2000 fans unseated. They then relocated to the New Darnell Cricket Ground before heading off to share Brammall Lane with the club that isn't the oldest in the football league ftom 1880-87. Initially the Wednesdays were nicknamed The Blades as were all sporting teams from Sheffield due to the city's association with cutlery and knives. Home games must have been confusing with each set of supporters chanting "Come on the Blades". The two sets of Blades parted when Wednesday moved to Olive Grove where they perched from 1887-99. At which point, they finally moved one last time to Owlerton (ahhhh, so thats why they're called Owls), a suburb of Sheffield. The Owls brought a 3,000 person stand from Olive Grove as they didn't want to refund season ticket holders. The new stadium would be named HIllsbrough in reference to the parliamentary district. Never ones to miss an opportunity to promote fake news, Sheffield United fans called the Wednesdays "the pigs", on account that Hillsborough was built on a pig sty. Hillsbrough has since gone on to host the World Cup in 1966, Euro 1996 and numerous cup semi finals incuding the one against Liverpool that it's most synonymous with. Wednesday are by far the more successful of the two Steel City teams having won the league as champions in 1902-03, 1903-04, 1928-29, and 1929-30; thet also won the 1896, 1907 and 1935 FA Cups; and were league cup winners in 1991; and Charity Shield champs in 1929. They have also won the second tier four times in 1904–05, 1919–20, 1951–52 and 1955–56. And not to forget, the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup in 1966-67. Some famous firsts. The Owls were one of the first clubs to have a shirt sponsor - Crosby Kitchens in 1983 (Hitachi were the first sponsors in the UK with Liverpool). They were also the first to appoint a professional manager, Tom McDonald. Old MacDonald had a farm, Ee I Ee I Oh, And on his farm he had some pigs, Ee I Ee I Oh.... Wednesday's mascots are Black Sabbath lead singer, Ozzie the Owl, and Barney Owl (or Barmy Owl). Ozzie once danced with our very own Peppy the Peacock. Ozzie was as clumsy as he was stupid, whilst Peppy put on a performance that would have got him on Come Dancing. Ozzie was also known to be joined by an inflatable lookalkie in 2019. Fans couldn't discern which was the real breakdancing mascot and which was the big balloon. The Owls fans are comedy geniuses who like to remind one another "The owls are not what they seem" in reference to the Log Lady in Twin Peaks. When not quoting the words of David Lynch, they can be heard chanting "Sheffield Wednesday, Super Owls, We're the pride of Yorkshire, And we’re going up" which is poetic irony for a club that has spent the last 25 years outside of the top tier. Their fanzines also have witty titles - Just Another Wednesday, Spitting Feathers, Boddle, A View From The East Bank, Cheat! and the bizarely named War of the Monster Trucks. Famous celebrities from Sheffield include pretty much everybody who was anybody: • Peter Stringfellow • Sean Bean • Jarvis Cocker • Bruce Dickinson • Michael Palin • Philip Oakey • Gordon Banks • Lee Chapman • Sebastian Coe • Jessica Ennis • Nick Clegg • Felecia Dorothea Kate Dover (notorious poisoner) • Gary Talbot, 6th Earl of Shrewsbury and gaelor of Mary Queen of Scots • Famous Ace Pilots , Wing Commander William "Willy" Stedman, Sergeant Pilot John "Johnny" Johnson and Flight Lieutenant George "Johnny" Johnson Back to the match. The Owls current run is WDLWD and sit 10th. Our run has stumbled a bit but WWWDD isn't too bad, and we are top. Home advantage and a Sunday fixture should put and end to any Wednesday half day optimism. Players to keep an eye on inlcude goalkeeper James Beadle who is usually out and about getting up to all sorts of pranks, Dominic Iorfa who is a decent defender, England midfielder Nathaniel Chalobah, former Leeds United midfielder Barry Bannon and ten goal hero Josh Windass. This will be a rout, all our chickens will come home to rip the heads of the owls. I'm going with a 6-0 win, goals to Joseph hat trick, Struijk, James, Piroe. Come on you Fowls!

Hull Football Club are a rugby league football team who play at Kingston upon Hull so it's a good job that we are playing Hull City Association Football Club. The city we know as Hull was originallly called,  Wyke (on the River Hull), which may come from the Old English word wic meaning "dairy-farm". It later became Kingston upon Hull when it received its royal charter from King Edward I in 1299. Hull City AFC are nicknamed the Tigers not on account of their fearless and primeval hunting instincts but rather due to their traditional black and amber colors. Hull were established in 1904 and admitted into the league in 1905. On 1 August 1970, Hull became the first team in the world to be eliminated from a cup competition on penalties, beaten by Manchester United in the semi-final of the Watney Cup (a short-lived English football tournament held in the early 1970s, and before the start of the season). The Tigers only moment of glory in their history was a brief stint of yoyoing between the premiership and the championship during 2008-16 seasons and an FA Cup final in 2014 when they put up a brave catfight only to lose 3-2 to Boring Boring Arsenal. In February 1983, City fans Henry Priestman and Mark Herman worked under the pseudonyms 'Harry Amber' and 'Mark Black' (together as 'Amber and Black') to release the song "The Tigers are Back", with backing vocals provided by various members of the City squad. This was done to help raise funds in order to pay the players' wages. "The Tigers are Back" never made it to Top of the Pops but did manage to knock Duran Duran off the number one spot in Sydney Scarboroughs for one week. Well played Amber and Black. Since December, Hull have been managed by Dr Rubén Sellés Salvador (Saviour in Spanish) who led Southampton to relegation, told the Reading FC Boad to sell up, and oversaw changing room bust-ups when manager of Port Vale. Interestingly, Saviour picked up his UEFA Pro License at the age of 25, studying alongside one Carlos Corberan. Selles has coached in Spain, Russia, Greece, Azerbaijan, Norway, Denmark and England. Selles employed a 4-2-2-2 and high press when in charge of The Saints last season. Hull play at the MKM Stadium, formally the KC Stadium (named after the communication firm, not those crisps TC likes to eat). Hull's mascots are Roary and Amber. In 1999, Roary went on the pitch during play, creeping up behind the opposition keeper just as he was about to take a goal kick, and gesturing as though he was going to squeeze his bottom. This proved to be the final straw for the ref that day, as Roary was “sent of.   Famous celebrities from Hull include:   • Reece Shearsmith • Maureen Lipman • Paul Heaton • Tom Courtenay • William Wilberforce • Tigger • Tony the Tiger from Frosties fame • Various assorted tigers • WWII Flyng Ace, Squadron Leader Caesar Barraud Hull from South Africa Hull may have home advantage but they are 22nd in the league and their current form is LWLWL wheras we are DWWWD. We are also still top, courtesy of Sunderland beating Sheffield United. Hull are captained by Lewie Coyle - remember him, who has played 153 games for the Tigers. Former Man City starlet, 21 year old CB Charlie Hughes is one to watch. And João Pedro is maybe one to consider buying - a highly experienced attacking Number 10 midfielder. And let's not forget Codey Drameh who has played nearly every game this season. I expect Farke to rotate the team again. Wober will probably start at LB as Byram may be needed at RB if Bogle isn't fit. Ampadu will start in CM but could be alongside Tanake or Rothwell. Presumably Gnonto and Ramazani will take the wing positions and Joseph will play ahead of Piroe. I think we will pick ourselves up after dropping two points at Elland Road. A 3-0 win with goals from Aaronson, Joseph and Gnonto.

Blackburn Rovers, yet another of the original 12 founding members of the football league in 1888. The club was founded at the Leger Hotel in Blackburn in 1875 and holds the distinction of winning the league title in 1911-12, 1913-14, 1994-95 and were five times FA Cup winners in the 19th century. The town of Blackburn literally means Dark Coloured Stream and is mentioned in the Domesday Book in 1086 as Blacheborne. The club has the latin motto "Arte Et Labour" which translates By skill and Hard Work. It originated from the town's coat of arms, before working out that Jack Walker's millions could buy them more trophies. They took the name Rovers as was the tradition for clubs without a fixed home ground at that time. Rovers were originally one of two teams in Blackburn, the other being their main rival, Blackburn Olympic FC. The first match between the two clubs was in February 1879, which resulted in a 3–1 win for Olympic. The clubs played each other forty times, but Olympic won only six of these matches. Olympic  achieved a significant first in the history of English football as the first club from the north of the country and the first from a working-class background to win the Football Association Challenge Cup (FA Cup) - previous winners were from the Home Counties and were posh boys. Alas for Olympic, Astonvilla chairman William McGregor, the driving force behind the new football league, put in place a rule stating that only one club from each town or city could join, and chose Rovers, rather than Olympic, to be Blackburn's entrant. The club's fanzine is called '4,000' holes in reference to the hovels where their fans lived. And though the holes were rather small, they had to count them all. A top piece of supporter trivia is that fans, Clement Charnock and his brother Harry introduced football into Russia. True story. Blackburn's mascot is the uniaginatively named Rover the Dog. Rover is reknowned for gettinghis head stuck in the nets when saving penaltys. Blackburn are owned by Indian poultry compay, Venkys. Wigan fans have been known to release chickens on to the pitch during matches. I call that Fowl Play!! Not to be outdone, Burnley supporters arranged a plane to fly over Ewood Park with a banner reading "In Venkys we trust, - Burnley SU". A case of karma coming home to roost. If you can avoid getting spat at by El-Hadji Diouf or mauled by Joey Barton, I strongly advise watching the sit com Rovers based on Blackburn. The fictional Redbridge Rovers has been run by chief barmaid Doreen for 25 year who entertains local supporters such as Pete "Mete Pott" Mott, the club's most fanatic member. It is currently available to Sky and Now subscribers. Thankfully, they only made six episodes. Famous celebs to come from Blackburn are • Ian McShane • Steve Pemberton • Diana Vickers • Carl Fogarty • Russell Harty • Barbara Castle • Wayne Hemmingway • Karen Kay • Jack Walker and his brother Johnny Walker • Michael Winterbottom • A J Odudu • No figther pilots of any note but the Blackburn Airport Company produced the Blackburn Buccaneer used during the cold war. Blackburn are currently fifth in the league but we are top. The Rovers form is WWWDLL and ours is WWDWWW. However, this is Fortress Elland Road where Leeds are invincible this season. Rovers do have a couple of decent players in Todd Cantwell, Makhtar Gueye, Callum Brittain and er Lewis Baker. I fancy this to be a close game, with a Piroe goal securing the points. Over to you.

What more can be said about Derby County that hasn't been said by me a few weeks ago. Well maybe the name of ths city. The etymology (origin of the word) of Derby is contested. Is it a variation of the Roman word, Derventio? Ot Is it Celtic for "valley thick with oaks"? Or is it from the Old Norse word Djúrabý, which means "village of the deer"? Or is it named after the River Derwent? Or maybe it was named after the horse race in 1780 at the Epsom Downs. Well frankly my dear, who gives a feck. The club, founded in 1884 by William Morley (a clerk at the Midland Railway then living in Repton were yet another offshoot of the Derbyshire County Cricket Club who lost all ten of their cricket matches in 1871. Morley and his pals approached the Derbyshire FA, formed the previous year, proposing the name "Derbyshire County", to emphasise the connection to the cricket club. This was rejected as being too long, and the name "Derby County" was instead settled upon, with home games to be played at the County Ground. In the early years, Derby weren't known as the Rams but as Chocolates – for Derby initially played in chocolate, amber and duck egg blue Derby used to play at the Baseball Ground, now they play at Pride Park,, named after London Pride Bitter and the annual LGBTQ+ parades. Derby's mascot, Rammie, holds the distinction of being the first full time mascot in English football. Wanker. In 2007-08, Derby set an unfortunate reord by finising with the lowest points tally in the league's history, securing just 11 points. Wankers. Famous fighter pilots from Derby include • Arthur Clowes who was awarded the Distinguished Flying Medal for his skill and bravery •  Acting Air Commodore Frank Woolley, who took Baghdad and was shot down in Persia and served in Iraq • Forgotten Ace, Alan Norman Feary who despatched a Messerschmitt 109E off the Needles, and shot down a Junkers 87B Stuka dive-bomber over Lyme Bay • Radio Two DJ Tony Blackburn • Ace pilot, Douglas Bader from London After the total capitulation of Stoke and all the other 12 original members of the formative league, I expect nothing less than annhilation. Tanaka can't even get a starting slot and Piroe is nearly in double figures. I predict a 3-0 win and anyone who wants to argue will need to fight me at dawn.

Back at Fortress Elland Road where our form is imperious and we will have enjoyed a full seven day break before taking on the mighty Oxford. The city of Oxford or Oxenford derives its name from being situated near a ford on the River Isis, and as a market town for cattle. Oxford is more famously known though for hosting the oldest university in the English speaking world. The city was briefly the seat of the Royal Court during the English Civil War when it was beseiged three times before falling to parliamantary forces. In modern times, it has been an important centre of motor manufacturing after Morris Motors was established in 1910 where it has been the principal production site for Mini cars, now owned by BMW since 2000. Oxford is also home to the Headington Shark, a rooftop sculpture depicting a large fibreglass shark embedded head-first in the roof of a house.   The club was originally founded as Headington Football Club in 1893, a village team known locally as "the boys from over the hill". The boys were formed at the Britannia Inn, Headington , following a meeting organised by local quack, Dr Robert Hitchings, as a way for the cricketers of Headington Cricket Club to maintain their fitness during the winter break. They later changed their name to Headington United following the merger with Headington Quarry in 1911. But it would not be until 1960 that the club would rebrand as Oxford United and two years later were elected to the football league. Oxford are unimaginatively known as the 'U's, feck knows why, or 'the yellows' in regard to their blue and yellow playing strip. Having faced bankruptcy in 1982, the club were taken over by media monster and Sugar Daddy tyrant, Robert Maxwell, who proposed merging the 'Us' with neighbours Reading to form a new club called the Thames Valley Royals, but was thwarted by a backlash of fanpower. Oxford's glory years were from 1984 and 1986 when the club earned successive promotions into the First Division, and even managed to win the League Cup in 1986. Success proved short lived and in the aftermath of the death of Cap'n Bob in 1991, the 'U's were relegated in 1994 and have languished as 'over the hill' ever since. Oxford's most famous players are foul mouthed commentator and former WBA & Man Yoo manager, Ron Atkinson, who made over 560 appearances for the club; his brother Graham Atkinson, the club's leading goalscorer with 107 goals; and John Shuker who holds the record for most appearances in the football league - 478. Oxford's mascots are Olly the Ox and Olivia the Ox, neither of who look particularly Ox-like. Cambridge supporters who don't have a mascot regularly taunt Oxford for giving in to American style culture. Claims that Olivia is transgender have yet to be proved. If you happen to be in Oxford, I recommend the Kings Arms opposite the Bodeian Library; the Turf Tavern were Bill Clinton may or may not have smoked a joint; Oxford's smallest and oldest bar - the Bear; and The Head of the River on the Isis - best viewpoint for gaslighting students and tourists flailing in narrow boats and the inevitable clown who falls in. The Eagle and Child is best avoided. Famous celebrities form Oxford include • Hugh Laurie • Dorothy L Sayers • Stephen Hawking • Liz Truss • King John of England • Yasmin Le Bon • Martin Keown • Cressida Dick • Douglas Bader, Royal Air Force (RAF) flying ace in World War II, attended Oxford University Leeds are 2nd and Oxford are over the hill in 20th place. Our form is W L W W D and Oxford is L L D L L, so there's no fear of losing this game. Current Oxford players of note include Josh McEachran who fancies himself as the modern day Zinedane Zidane, and err that's it. I've never heard of any of their other players. I'm calling for a big win on Saturday, a 4-0 thrashing as we ready up for the Boxing Day Bash at Stoke. Goals from Gnonto 2, James 1, Joseph 1.

The mighty Preston North End are based oddly enough in Preston, so called in reference to 'Priest's Town' as it was originally founded by St. Wilfrid for his priests. Preston is famouse for being the first town outside of London to be lit by coal gas; the birth place of the word teatotal; The Preston By-pass was Britain's first motorway; In 1965 Ray Allen opened the UK's first Kentucky Fried Chicken store on Fishergate High Street; and Preston has the longest continuous row of old style red public phone boxes. All verifiable facts. The club started life as a cricket club and then decided they wanted to do something in the winter other than watch the Big Bash. So they started a rugby union team in 1877, only to discover catching an oval shaped ball at silly mid wicket just didn't catch on. The following year, they decided to try their hand at the beautiful game and have been playing it ever since. Preston supporters claim that their statidum Deepdale is the oldest continuously used football league ground, despite Brammall Lane being the older ground. As with every club Leeds play at the moment, Preston North End was a founder member of the Football League in 1888, and in their first season won a historic Leage and FA Cup double without conceding a goal and thereafter became known as "The Invincibles". They won the title the next year, and since then have been the opposite of invincible with just the one FA Cup trophy success in 1938. Following their second title success, Adolf Hitler invaded Czechoslovakia and the rest is history. As one of the first clubs to sign Scottish players in significant numbers, Preston adopted the moniker of Scottish Professionals in respect of their superior skills and tactical understanding. In the 1888 season, their Scottish contingent included radio and tv presenter Nick Ross; his brother, Little Demon Jimmy Ross; and gnarled Centre Back, David Russell who once chased an opponent down the pitch and kicked him in the back. In 1913, suffragettes tried to burn down Deepdale but were foiled in the act and in a pique of poetic irony, set fire to Arsenal's Manor Ground at Woolwich instead. The Woolwich Gazette reported that the whole North Grandstand was gutted by fire which started at the refreshment bar, at the junction with the western end of the stand. It was apparently witnessed by more people than had seen the team play for much of the previous season! Preston's mascot is the Deepdale Duck, played by Simon Nash for 27 years. The Deepdale Duck once got into a real live fight with City Gent, Bradford City's mascot at a match. On seeing the Gent at the 1999 Mascot Grand National in Huntingdon, he took a dive in an attempt to get the Gent sent off. The Duck himself had previous form for being sent off for mauling the opposition goalkeeper. The referee accused him of being a disruptive duck. The Duck did later redeem himself by assisting in a marriage proposal when he pulled out a sign asking a fan's partner to marry him. and thereby became a Duckess. Some fans love the Duck but I think he's quackers. Preston's most famous players were Tom Finney, 'the Preston Plummer' who scored 210 goals for the club whilst sill managing to enlist with the Royal Armored Corps in 1942; Irish goalkeeper, Alan Kelly Senior who played over 400 games for the club; tenacious midfielder Bill Shankley who was part of the 1938 Preston FA Cup winning team; and Leeds United loanee Sam Greenwood. The Leeds links don't just end with Greenwood, but Simon Grayson and Paul By Heckinbottom have both managed at PNE. Famous people to have come from Preston include • Nick Park • Peter Purves • Andrew Flintoff • Jessica Taylor • John Inman • Tim Farron • Nazia Mogra • A.J. Hartley • Sir Richard Arkwright • Roy Barraclough • Edith Rigby, suffragette and first woman in Preston to ride a bicycle • The Preston Plummer • Various Sanitary Engineers • Flight Lieutenant John Gillespie, World War2 flying ace from Preston, born 1916 This being an away match makes the result unpredictable, but Leeds are 2nd and Preston are 14th. Preston's form is L D D D D so they're not likely to win, whereas we are WWLWW. Farke will no doubt ring the changes from Tuesday's team, so Piroe, Solomon back in the starting XI. I expect a 2-1 win to us with James and Piroe scoring, and Greenwood getting one for the Invincibles.

Lets try this again. Leeds take on Yorkshire rivals, Middlesbrough FC this Tuesday at 8pm. The Boro were formed in 1876 and are the 11th oldest football club in England and Wales. Legend has it that the city adopted the Saxon name, Mydilsburgh as it was halfway between the two mighty religious centres of Durham and Whitby. Burh was an old English word which means fortified settlement, which is more than can be said of the Riverside stadium. Middlesbrough and its fans often refer to themselves as The Red and White Army. Alas they are one of many red and white armies that includes Arsenal F.C. , AZ Alkmaar, Charlton Athletic F.C. Derry City F.C., Hapoel Tel Aviv F.C., Hemel Hempstead Town F.C. Leigh RMI F.C., Red Star Belgrade, Rotherham United F.C., Southampton F.C., Sunderland A.F.C., Swindon Town F.C., and Stevenage F.C. As an aside, the red and white barber pole is a symbol of the dual roles of barbers in medieval Europe, who were both hairdressers and dental surgeons. The Boro are nicknamed 'The Smoggies', after a 1989–1990 animated children's television show by Cinar. The show took place on or around a fictional Coral Island, and revolved around a group of island-dwelling people called the Suntots and a trio of polluting treasure hunters called the Smoggies. The Suntots spent much of their time defending their island paradise from the Smoggies, who polluted everything around them and lived on a coal-fired steam ship, the SS Stinky Poo, which polluted the water and air around the island. Middlesbrough's mascot is Roary the Lion, who habitually falls over during on-field stunts and dance routines. During halftime of promotional events, Roary participates in races against other mascots or fans, sometimes tripping but mostly coming in last. Roary regularly loses his tail during hysterical hijinks - a likely story!! Whilst manager, Bryan Robson used to be paraded before matches sitting in a Dentist Chair, whilst opposition forwards would extract his teeth and subject him to root canal treatments. This was the same season that the Boro were relegated following a three point deduction for failing to play a match aginst Blackburn Rovers. The Premier League described their excuses as akin to pulling teeth. The only success, the Boro, have ever achieved was the League Cup in 2004 under the benign leadership of former Man Yoo assistant boss, Steve McClaren who exuded quality dental work and a magnificent set of molars. Under his stewardship, they went on to lose the 2006 UEFA Cup Final against Seville. Steve's excellent teeth did not go unnoticed by the England FA who promptly installed him as England boss. The current manager of Middlesbrough is Michael Carrick who and is supported by  Jonathan Woodgate, one of the central characters in Dayvid O'Leary's magnus opus "Leeds United on Trial". Carrick and Woodgate are more better known as Toothpick and Denture Plate. Famous people to have come from Middlesborough have included: • Captain James Cook the Explorer • Roy Chubby Brown • Paul Daniels • Chris Rea • Steph McGovern • BoB Mortimer • Rory Underwood • Bill Athey • Liam Plunkett • Chris Old • Jonathan Woodgate • Chris Kamara • Brian Clough • Dr Tony Kilcoyne, a pioneer in cosmetic dentistry • Ace pilot, Douglas "Grumpy" Bader This match is a true top of the table clash of the titans. Leeds are second and the Boro are fifth. Their midfield of Hayden Hackney and Aussie Riley McGree make for a quality central axis. Ben Doak is a threat up front. Fortunatly, their defensive rock, Darragh Lenihan is injured. There's also a promising full back of the name of Luke Ayling who I like the look of his jib. Middlesbrough's form is W W L W D. I think we have to trust in our current form, in our players coming back from injuries, and the magic of our wingers and Tanako. I'll stick my incisiors on the table and predict a gritty 2-1 win to the Leeds. Goals from Tanako and Gnonto.

Founded as Stoke Ramblers in 1863, the club's players would perambulate across the moors and National Trust properties until they were granted ciity status in 1925 when they changed their name to Stoke City. The Ramblers were established by Henry Almond, an apprentice with the North Staffordshire Railway Company, who apponted himself captain and scored the only goal in their opening match against a scratch team of assorted walnuts, peanuts and chestnuts. Along with the recently battered Blackburn Rovers, Decimated Derby County and the Priest Town Invincibles, Stoke share the honour of being one of the twelve founding members of the Football Leauge in 1888. Since those auspicious beginnings, Stoke have boomeranged up and down the leagues, in and out of liquidation, more often than TC's private parts on a bouncy castle. Stoke are nicknamed the Potters after successive generations of wizards plied their wands acoss Stafforshire's historic potteries. After watchinig copious amounts of pirate movies, the club decided to wear red and white striped shirts and adopted the song Delilah in lieu of being cuckolded by voluptuous, treacherous women. Their most celebrated player was the Arthurian Knight, Sir Hanley Matthews   who grew up in Stanley and like the aforementioned Potters was reknowned for being a wizard and a magician. Against all odds, the Potters achieved top flight status, led by a management team of Waddington's Playing Cards. Under Ace Potter, Waddington, they won the Football League Cup in 1972, reached two FA Cup Semi Finals and could well have won the Division One Trophy had the Butler Street Stand roof not fallen off in a strong storm. Famous celebrities from Stoke include: • Football hooligan, Mark Chester • Robbie Williams • Slash • Lemmy • Captain Edwad Smith who sank the Titanic • Phil The Power Taylor • Bruno Brookes • Neil Morrissey • Ted Hankey • Nick Hancock • Garth Crooks • Sir Hanley Matthews • Harry Potter • Various Potters • Sir Douglas "Tin Legs" Bader Stoke are on to their third manager of the seasion and are currently helmed by  Narcís Pèlach known as Chicho after one of the Marx Brothers. They currently sit 19th in the table and we are second. Their current streak is D L L L D L and ours is W L W W D W . Their star player is Million Manhoef  who has hoofed a million men. Their top goalscorer this year is Tommy Cannon, one half of   comic double act Cannon and Ball. I predict 3-0 win to our boys with goals from James, Joseph and Bogle.