Gotta try......

Right folks. We don't even know what league we'll be in BUT - already the rumours have begun Clickbait Ins HRH Kalvin Phillips returns Coiahminhm Kelleher (GK) Liverpool Richarlison (ST) Spuds Buendia (yet again) Ramsdale (GK) £25m release from Saints Clickbait Outs Firpo off on a free to Betis Joseph loan to Rangers or Betis Debayo loan to Rangers Bamford to Wrexham

Right, Smurf's got the league sewn up, my job is to get the backup XI to Wembley. A home tie against Champ opposition, I'm up for the challenge - maybe because I am looking forward to actually being at HQ for a change - only my second FA Cup game. Anyway, on to Millwall. Millwall is a borough of London - a smaller than average parish that used to be called Marshwall and is situated in the fag end of the Isle of Dogs. I don't recommend a 2 week beach holiday there. The team are allegedly known as the Lions because they play at the Den, but it's actually a modern change - the original club were founded in in 1885 as Millwall Rovers. The first board of directors called the ground the Den because they were known locally as the "Beavers" - it was only more recently that all 14 members of the fans supporters club decided being called Beavers was a bit naff and invented the Lions thing - they are all thick because Lions don't have burrowing tools and don't live in Dens - they lounge about on open grassland in Africa, but hey-ho..... Millwall got this far in the competition because they scraped past Dagenham in the third round (in front of 36 people and 2 dogs), thereby earning the right to come up to us and enjoy indoor toilets and other such modern luxuries. Expect a different Millwall to the ones who fluked a win against us earlier in the season - they haven't got Neil Harris any more. I believe we'll see wholesale changes to the regular starters - my team will be: Darlow Byram Guilavogui Struijk Schmidt Ampadu Rothwell Gnonto Aaronson Ramazzani Joseph Expect Aaronson to get only a half, maybe Amps too. Famous fans include: Danny Baker Err That's it Even Douglas Bader hasn't been there - he reckons he'd rather drop his unused bombs (and remaining testicle) on the Den than pay a visit. Weather will be a challenge, with El Nino bringing red rain from the Sahara across in 70 mph winds. Best to put a jumper on under your T-shirts. Leeds 2-0 Millwall C'MON LEEEDS!

It's a tough job giving the ghost writer extraordinaire a break for a week - but this is a free hit for me, we get knocked out and we get to concentrate on the league, or we win with a B team and keep the home record intact and hopefully get some new heroes pushing for the starting jerseys. Harrogate Town. For those who don't have a Geography GCSE, Harrogate is a quiet spa town at the border of North and West Yorkshire. My neighbour Colin is a Leeds fan, he cleans his car every weekend and mows his lawn at 14:00 every Sunday. He has 2.4 children and a good job in accounts. His dream is to move to Harrogate. That says it all. The history - founded as Harrogate Hotspur in 1919 they are as old as us, but were renamed Harrogate Town after WWII, as a mark of respect for Douglas Bader - the great one testicled fighter ace who was born and raised in Killinghall, just down the road. They have never got further than the 3rd round of the FA Cup in their history. They have one trophy in the cabinet, the 2019 FA North Yorkshire Cup, where they beat Topcliffe in the final. Harrogate is populated with Leeds fans, about 50% of the Harrogate Town players, board and fans are Leeds fans. This should be a great atmosphere on Saturday and I wonder if we'll get MOT sung from all 4 sides for once? Anyway - on to us... Expect a B team with "Ill with Measles" not in goal and a variety of U21 and squad players getting minutes. We should have a nice quiet home win in a freezing ER, bring your thickest jumpers folks. Famous Harrogate Town Fans include: Billy Bremner Jonny Giles Norman Hunter Don Revie (probably) Leeds B 3 - 1 Harrogate Weather: expect warm winds coming inland from Senegal and a bright 23 degree sunny afternoon.

Closed. And what a roller coaster ride.... Ins Robbie Cook (GK) Perth Glory Oakley Cannonier (ST) Liverpool A small spider crawled across the press room Outs Joffy (Loan) Hull Luca Thomas (Loan) Halifax Crew (Loan) Donny Perkins (Perm) Leyton O's Jeremiah Mullen (Perm) Dunfermline Don't go to bed just yet.....

Out until December - knee injury. Lateral ligament, doesn't need surgery but 10 weeks till back in team training.

Bit better this year - bored of musical socks and packs of cards..... A yellow bucket hat, some pin badges and a light up plaque for the wall.

So the "worst kept secret" plans are finally being released and breaking on SKY. We are now looking to increase the capacity of Elland Road to 53,000 with development of the North and West stands. This will include an increase in the premium corporate offerings. This is well overdue and should get absolute support for everyone around the club - without having sustainable revenue we'll always have one hand tied behind our back when it comes to PSR. Once this is done the club's natural revenues will allow us to be in the EPL top 10 without raising funds by selling players.

• Match Day Miracle? So I called it wrong again - there's a theme brewing folks. First leg v Norwich was supposed to be a great big flop, but it wasn't. The second leg was supposed to be a cruel nailbiter going into extra time before we lost out - but it wasn't. So here we are. Wembley. Home of heartache and failure for Leeds Utd decade after decade. What better place for our team to break our hearts if they insist on dragging our pain out through the playoffs. Since we beat Liverpool in the Charity Shield in 92 (needed that kung fu loving traitor to help us out) we've fallen short v Aston Villa, Watford and Doncaster. Who better to come up against than the one team that's done the double over us this season. Ace. 0-3 Armstrong hattrick and abject misery incoming. Now that's that out of the way.... Sunday is quite simply the richest game in sport - £136M is the least you get for winning, but it could lead to much more. Leeds are now a well run and stable club, something we're not used to since Leslie Silver's time so this feels like a massive sliding doors moment for us - victory and we could be watching European football in a 55,000 Elland Road by 2030. Defeat and we could find ourselves being the new Burnley bobbing up and down with talented kids and untried young managers. We all know Sunday will be a one-off - roll the dice and let's see who has the minerals for the big occasion. My Team is not a surprise - even if others are fit, we stick by the ones we know. Meslier Gray Rodon Ampadu Firpo Gruev Kamara Gnonto Rutter Summerville Piroe Weather: again it's perfect for M'Lud, warm and wet This time Leeds. This time.

• Match Day Maybe OK - I was wrong. I posted doom and gloom, assumed we'd get trampled and we'd all be having a wretched Sunday. Not the case. So what happened? Meslier's passing was as flaky as ever, Gnonto still wanted to get booked at any price and Rutter still looks like one of those Tik Tok imposters, but actually the formation change and the increased control in midfield made us look more solid, if less exciting. But this is Leeds - why kill our dreams quickly and kindly? Remember Derby folks, if Leeds are gonna screw it up then it's Thursday when they'll do it - just as hope crept back in! I reckon it's an unchanged line-up, certainly for the first half. I think Dan James will get more minutes in the second - he could be the difference maker. As for Narridge, I gather Sargent is fit for the second leg, which is a shame because he's a real counter attacking threat, but Barnes won't be playing again. Prediction: It goes beyond 90 mins but after that it's anybody's guess..... Weather: just to please M'Lud, it's going to be warm and wet.

• Match Day Misery Well, here we are. In the immortal words of M'Lud I get to go down in the memories of 7 blokes for a short while by hammering the final nail into our season. Leeds Utd and playoffs mix like Roast Chicken and Custard. 5 attempts ZERO successes. Charlton, Watford, Millwall, Doncaster (FFS) and Derby all pulled our pants down and over the next 2 weeks Norwich, Saints and WBA get the chance to add their names to the list. Would I normally be quite so miserable? Nope - but then again watching the last 2 games alone is enough to have me turning off the telly and popping into the garden to squash my c*** flat with a brick. Right, let's try to keep this light shall we? So here's you matchday sweepstake - which of the following classic headlines will be first up on Monday Morning? A) For Farke's sake Leeds B) Farke-ing useless C) What a Farke up D) Farke-ing embarrassed For me the team needs a dramatic shake up, and for a hardcore defender of Meslier to say this isn't easy - it starts with another goalkeeper - any of them will do, just get him out. His future is not with us, that much is becoming clear. Byram has to play LB because Firpo is a walking disaster defensively and Norwich will tear him a new one. Rutter needs something - not sure if its a kick up the backside, an arm round his shoulder or a bit of time on the bench. More worryingly Gnonto needs to start concentrating on the game and not getting booked, Summerville needs to start working harder and we need Kamara to stop waltzing round the field in a daze and start getting stuck in. Right, that's all that out of the way. Norwich is famous for Mustard, Turkeys and women with 6 toes etc etc. 21 degrees, clear skies, T-shirt weather Norwich 2-0 Leeds

Retiring - announced today after his serious injury. Looks like he'll be staying around the club in an alternative capacity. I have loads of respect for the contribution this guy has made to us, and am sorry it's ended this way. Will never forget the brace at Man City. He gets a farewell on Saturday at half time with his family.

As expected this thread was a painful read at times this Summer - nearly but not quite lost us £100M in football. The question we now want answering is did we lose more than we gained on the field.... Ins Rodon (£10M) CB Spuds Cairns (£5.99) GK Salford Joe Rothwell (Loan) CM Bournemouth Jayden Bogle (£5M) RB Blunts Ramazani (£10M) Wing Almeida Manor Solomon (Loan) Wing Spuds Ao Tanaka (£3M) CM Dusseldorf Isaac Schmidt (£2.5M) RB St Gallen Outs Archie Gray to Spuds (£40M) - covers the PSR gap. Good luck lad Kamara to Rennes (£8.5M Permanent) Summerville to Wet Spam (£35M) Rutter to Brighton (£40M) Cresswell to Toulouse (£3.8M Permanent) Roca to Betis (£3.8M permanent) Llorente to Betis (£2.5M Permanent) Harrison to Everton (another sleazy loan deal) Sinisterra (reheated food in the microwave) permanent to Bournemouth (£20M) Klaesson to Czechsadihguohrogunbergljenarg (some outfit in Poland) Koch to Eintracht Frankfurt (loan to end of contract) Charlie Allen (loan to end of contract) Ayling to Boro (loan to end of contract) Van Den Heuvel (end of contract) Harvey Sutcliffe (end of contract) Shackleton (end of contract) to Blunts Ian Poveda (end of contract) to Sunderland Liam Cooper (end of contract) Perkins (loan to Leyton Orient) Gyabi (loan to Plymouth) Greenwood (loan to Preston) Kristinsen (Loan to Eintracht Frankfurt) Dallas (Retired) Contract Expiry/Deals Lewis Pirie signs 2.5 years pro deal to Summer 2026 Alfie Cresswell signs new deal Charlie Crew signs new deal

Addiction is a terrible thing, but I've decided to kick the habit. Contract up at the end of January - price offer is disgusting, so I have done what I should have done many moons ago and kicked them into touch. So what's the best alternatives? Any other post-SKY recovery stories?

Safe travels if you're headed there: You head away from the Shire, hang a left as you pass through Rohan, left into Gondor and just as you get to the flaming and dark spires you'll find West Bromwich. Famous fans/sufferers: Frank Skinner Lenny Henry Julie Walters Douglas "one ring" Bader Our boys have faltered on their travels, unless there's a change in style, energy or line-up I suspect this will be a tough end to a tough year. Good riddance to 2023 whatever the result. Carlos Corberan has done a strong job there and he'll be up for taking more points off us after their draw at ER early in the season. I am going to hold out hope for some lineup changes (3 to be precise, even if 1 is enforced): Darlow Spence Rodon Struijk Byram Ampadu Kamara Summerville Piroe Gnonto Rutter West Brom to scare the crap out of us and we scrape a draw 2-2 Weather: gusts of coal dust, stench of poverty so take a mask.

All done and dusted Ins Connor Roberts (Loan) RB, Burnley Outs Finlay Gorman c£1.5M Man City Spence back from whence he came Koch confirmed out at end of loan to Frankfurt Luke Ayling (loan) to Boro Darko Gyabi (loan) Plymouth Lewis Bate (loan) MK Dons Jeremiah Mullen (loan) Inverness Leo Hjelde Sunderland £1M-£1.5M Ian Poveda Sheff Wed (loan) Sean McGurk Swindon UND New/Expiring Contracts Archie Signs on the dotted line - 4.5 year deal. Mateo Joseph signs on the dotted line - 4.5 year deal